* Still on day and school begin again. For one year. I ask me how this year are going to be. Good, not good. I doubt. I doubt of quite at the moment. I doubt of me especially. But it's not something new. I've always doubted of me. The problem is that I don't have trust in me. I've never had it. Why ? I don't know. I stopped asking me this question a long time ago. I try of asks me least questions. It's perhaps idiot but that allows me to advance in the life. Any little at least. Otherwise I stagnate. In reality I'm afraid of beginning again the school. It's really idiot I know. In fact it isn't really fear. It's more apprehension. I dread this year. I shouldn't to have apprenhension. In a sense that leads me to my own loss. It's prehaps a bit exaggerated but it stay right. I know that if nothing more goes I shall certainly abandon. I don't want it but it's what it risks to arrive. What I'm saying now is a proof of what I've said. I don't have trust in me. And that's the problem of all my problems..




# Posté le samedi 16 août 2008 06:19

Modifié le samedi 06 décembre 2008 10:41

* I've put the finger on an important thing. I'm too shy. It seems that shyness can be due to a shock that we've had in our childhood. We can believe it, or not. I believe it. When I was in the primary school and in the secondary school the other people make fun of me. And I felt rejected. My mother says that I always felt a bit alone and rejected. Perhaps it's right but I'm sure about that it had marked me in the deepest of me. And I think that it makes me shy. I'm afraid of what the people can think or say about me. I would like to say who I am, what I like or not. But I can't. I'm too shy. And people think that I'm stuck. In more I'm someone clever. So I'm considered a highbrow. And I'm not a highbrow. I haven't always my nose in the books. How to say them when I'm so shy ? I would like to be different. Like the other who become integrated so easily. A part of me admires them because they have no shyness. They express themselves without blushing and make them friends without problems. But I'm different. And shyness can't disappear. I'm what I am with my qualities and my defaults. Even if that disturbs me a little...

# Posté le samedi 16 août 2008 08:02

Modifié le mercredi 17 décembre 2008 10:46

* Wow... I hadn't write since a long time. Sorry if you waited about something new but I hadn't time to post news articles. But now I take time to do it. So since my last article, I had 17 and it was the worst birthday of my life. My parents had organized a party with all my familiy. I hate the party like that. We always have to smile, to be happy even if we don't want it. But what I'm telling isn't very interesting. Otherwise I'm happy. All goes a bit better. I get better with my brother. I never imagine that it can be possible. I don't know what to write. Today I had the ridiculous sight. Thks my so cool orchestra. That always pleases to play in a shopping center when nobody listens to what we play. I hate to do that. It's maybe just the second time that we do it but I hate it. I have the impression to be an animal of fair. And it isn't very pleasant. This evening I see my cousins. They are so cute. I'm delighted. I have now to go. So I don't write anymore today.

Bye :)

P.S. Good Holy Nicolas :)

# Posté le samedi 06 décembre 2008 11:16

Modifié le mercredi 17 décembre 2008 10:47